I wrote a book on breakups,Why Did He Break Up With Me? Lessons in Love, Loss & Letting Go, to offer people, especially women, new ways of thinking about and looking at the ending of a cherished relationship. I, for one, have never considered a breakup a failure.
I’ve heard these questions asked a million and one times: “why can’t I find my soulmate?” “Where do I go wrong in relationships?” These questions can be quite a challenge to answer, especially when you feel like you’ve done everything in your power to make a relationship work. Below are a few pieces of relationship advice that you may have over looked that could be stopping you from connecting with your soulmate.
Sex on the First Date is always one of those touchy topics (for most… mainly women). When you first hear the small five words double standards always make an appearance in thought. As women we hear opinions from more places than just one; Guys, Mother, your Ex, Bestfriend, Hairstylist, Cosmo magazine, Twitter, Walmart Cashier, Cousin’s babydaddy… where ever, there’s always an opinion of what WE (as women) do and CAN’T do with our sex lives. So much so we forget it actually takes TWO to Tango; or in our case to have sex THAT night.
While Ophrah Winfrey is the queen of talk, Iyanla Vanzant is the queen of Fix My Life. Many of us take her advice very seriously when it comes to some of life’s most challenging subjects. Watch Iyanla give us her thoughts on women and dating.
Amber Rose set the Internet on fire last weekend when she uploaded a video of herself twerking to celebrate her husband Wiz Khalifa’s album hitting number one on the Billboard 200. The video was shared on her Instagram account, where she is seen practicing flawless butt cheek isolation and then a twerk so effortless that it defies the laws of physics. Some of us shamelessly hit “replay” up to 20 times and screamed “yassss!” But not everyone. No, there are those among us who see a woman twerking and rather than celebrating her body and agency would prefer to denigrate her and call her names. Mainly, “ho.” I have some thoughts about this.
Recently, I was going through my e-mails and came across an article in a newsletter that shocked me. The very first line read, “Gone are those days when people were committed to just one person for the rest of their lives. Now is the era of casual dating, live-in relationships, no strings attached and open relationships.” *Tires screeching* Um, excuse me? Clearly this person has never come across this site, or sites like Happy Wives Club, Modern Married, Married and Young, or Husband and Wife for Life amongst others. The article goes on to say, “People prefer having various options available to them at all times and see no harm in falling in love or having an affair with two or more people at the same time. Open relationships have now become a trend.” Again…excuse me? A trend for whom exactly?
NFL footballer Ray Rice was cut from the Baltimore Ravens after footage was released of him punching his then fiancée, now wife, in an elevator earlier this year in Atlantic City. Opinions have swirled about whether or not the punishment from the NFL fits the crime. One thing that is not an opinion, but is instead a sobering fact: black women are twice as likely to die as a result of domestic violence at the hands of an abuser than white women.
I don’t think people really understand the affect that social media has on our lives. We have arrived in a place where we feel comfortable broadcasting the inner depths of a person’s life with the click of a button. Then we turn around and use that same information to judge, instead of using it as a indication that a person needs help. Welcome to America.
I was raised by a staunchly Catholic mother in a very small house that I shared with her, my father and ten (yes I said ten) siblings. That meant that I was bombarded with twelve opinions of what a good person looked like, behaved like and “should’’ do. As well intentioned as they all were, they were all leading me farther and farther away from the person I was really meant to be. On the rare occasion that I mustered up the courage to let the real me make the decisions, I was quickly labelled selfish. I wanted to be a “good” person and to be loved so I went back to doing what I was told, no matter how conflicted that left me feeling.